There are some things I want someone to know but not able to speak to him right now. Anyway some years ago we had a misunderstanding which I felt badly about. A year later I ran into him and went out of my way to be friendly etc. I emailed him to say I was sorry that he got a message that was intended for anouther. Taken out of context, the message was not very nice though apt for intended reciever. I know he tok it personal because he was not very friendly when I saw him between the incident and the encounter whereas before all this we were good friends. Perhapps he could even take some responsibility because he did not ID himself and did not seem to take that into consideration but instead chose to beleive I was not nice/stable or whatever. Allin the past you say? Yes but it seems to hang like a grey cloud over what I have done or said since when in fact he didn't seem very happy when I saw him and I cared enough to try to correct this because I know he cared back and maybe it hurt him and that mattered. Now he seems to struggle with trusting me. In the kind of world we live in people you can trust are dam difficult to find and I could tell him stories about folks that have done to me what he seem to think I am trying to do to him-folks to whom I am closely related. I would like to go back to the time when just being in the same room with him was enough to make me happy, I think he felt the same. Where is there a dear Abby to tell me what to do?
I am conciously self created for most of my life, I am the best person I know how to be. I bought a bag of bones animal and promosed from my heart that he would never go hungry again- that he would never know the creulity of man again and every day for 15 years untill he died, I kept that promose- gladly. I am not cheap or easy, I dont uae others to get things- I am very self relient and want respect before love or at least whith it. I am a rock. Why do you find yourself unable to decide I am certain to be after you for what you have? I NEED to have what I need and want for once in my life because I dont have forever.
I want the man you hide deeply inside because when he was over my house I liked him a LOT -not in fashon but TRUE and if you can't handle the truth what good are you. Let me say that I will be ok if I don't "get" you, that
Keep looking here because I will be adding to this.

Before there were words there was still communication. in the same way we communicate with animals and they communicate with each other. If we are afraid, no wordy protest,no pretense to the contrairy will change an animal knowing that you are afraid. While language has a lofty status in the world, it is interesting to notice that lying is impossable whithout words. One can trick or act in a misleading way, which I have observed animals do but they litterally canno't tell a lie. Also, a dog or a horse raised in Russha or the US, has no problem moveing to anouther country and communicateing with a dog or a horse there. There has been no tower of Babel except among man.

With language one may construct hhypothetical theory, say how the world came to be. Different peoples of the world were very separated long ago and as it seems all came up whith a VERBAL description of how things came to be. of course everyone did not, could not, come up with the SAME verbal description. That others thought differently was perceived as a threat because we build up our whole SELVES out of words. What we see is conflict and struggle brought about by everyone fighting to protect thier own and thier societies verbal construction
of right and wrong etc. Words being vocal sounds that are only symbols of things, meaning different things to different people ,even those speaking the same language, the stage is set for confusion and downright fraud.
If, For example, I stand by a person, and feel a sense of belonging there and of love,I trust THIS. It is never wrong if it comes about naturally and I am reasonabally sane. There muat be a safe and proper use for worda of course .I think that the importance of honesty is much mre than of education or of intellegence in communication. Then
what is conveyed will be as close to the truth as one can make it. There in lies the good and right as I see it.
I wonder if the brain of man is different from that of other animals because the cereabal cortex came to be to store all the words we use and our personal definition of these words and maybe all the words we ever heard or used. Perhapps the flattened forehead of eariler man bed
became more like the present because of the advent of the use of language and the need of more storage space.
I give credit to J. Krishnamurti for telling me that the word mountain is not a mountain but only a sound that represents a mountain.
Most of the thinking I do is out of the box so I can look at things in a new way. This also results in actually getting out of the box and in being my own chosen kind of self. And it's fun!
I really wish someone would actually READ this though.
Would love some feedback!